Healing

It's been three years now since I reported the historical rapes I suffered in the children's home and my memories that pop up from Facebook are just heart breaking. I read them as though they aren't coming from me but from a stranger who I no longer recognise. I was once a complete mess mentally, I was a scared child all over again. My head and mind was all over the place, just screaming out for help, and boy I'm so glad but also so lucky that I found the help I needed. I had to be stronger than I had ever been in my life, yes the counselling helped tremendously but I had to learn how to heal myself. I had to learn a whole new way of living with the memories I had fought so hard for thirty years to block them, to hide them and eventually I succeeded to the point where I no longer could find them. It wasn't until I reported the horrific abuse I suffered that they came creeping out, they became more vivid than I ever thought possible, the nightmares and flash backs, not to mention the sensory flashbacks where I could smell his cologne, I could feel the texture of his clothes rubbing against me and I could smell and taste his breath. I literally put myself through hell and the question I used to ask the most was " how the hell am I supposed to live with this, to heal from this?" and " how do I recover from something so horrific, something so traumatising as this?" I had to hang onto the hope that things would eventually get better. Gosh what a journey! Two years down the line I can safely say I'm healing and healing well. I still have my days where I can't get out of bed but they are now few and far between and that's perfectly fine. I no longer suffer with the flashbacks and nightmares and I actually now get a awesome night's sleep. What I'm trying to say is this. We all go through somethings in life that absolutely cripples us, that brings us to our knees, that we think we can never recover from. But we eventually do. Recovery takes a lot of time, a lot of self care, a lot of patience with ourselves, a lot of set backs but one day you will eventuality get there. You just have to take it one step at a time and one day at a time. From my trauma I bring hope and courage to others, I've become an inspiration and I've become a helper and not to mention my amazing Karen's Safe Haven group. I'm proud of the mess I once was but I'm even prouder of the woman I have become 💚✌️ LET'S TALK ✌️ 💚 #karenssafehaven #MensMentalHealthMattersToo #mentalhealthsupport #SuicideAwareness #growthroughwhatyougothrough #daretodream #growth